What’s haunting me,

    Throughout this month I keep getting thrown new curve balls from death to great opportunities that will change the way my life is going right now with school will literally change my future. Now I know that doesn't sound rough it doesn’t seem like getting a great opportunity should be considered a “curve ball” but to me it is, and I will explain why a little later on.

    I have really bad anxiety and I have always had it, it comes and goes but It’s definitely something that I am starting to get over and I am getting better at not being so anxious all the time, but it’s a huge curve ball in my life that seems to never go away.

    The first day of school one of my friends from Quesnel passed away from a drug overdose, I was in shock for the first week then it started hitting me around the second week of school his memorial is in 2 days and I won’t be there, it's been hitting me again recently because he should be in college getting his nursing degree right now just like I am heading towards and I think of him everyday. Although I know now he’s in a better place I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, and can’t stop reliving all of our memories that we shared.

    Since I was a little girl I have always dreamed of succeeding in life and owning my own property to start my own ranch or farm whichever is preferred. I’ve always loved horses and always planned on owning them and training them, having a log house and a lot of acres in of course Quesnel, my hometown. Now I have moved from Quesnel to Seabird island to Merritt where I am now attending N.V.I.T  College and it is only a month in and I need to go home. This is where that “great opportunity” comes in, I got offered to be able to move back to Quesnel rent free and in return all I have to do is take care of the horses and 1 cat, which I have done for her before and I have always loved watching their horses and riding them and doing all of that stuff, now the curve ball part of this is that I have to finish this semester and transfer schools and I'm not quite sure when the next program is in Quesnel for my nursing, which is going to put a pause on my schooling.

Now, I grew up with people doubting me, my mom her boyfriend my family, they never thought I would go to college so there was no college fund but I believe that everything I went through as a child with my parents and my family have made me a better person it made me strive for getting a good education and not dropping out like everybody else did. I have a good relationship with my parents and my moms boyfriend now and everything's okay with them. Of course I still think about it and it bums me out but I tell myself that it all happens for a reason and we all became better people. I Am one of those people who believe everything happens for a reason. If I never moved to Seabird I wouldn’t be here right now. If I didn’t move back to Quesnel this past summer I would never have gotten to work with the horses and train them, and end up with opportunity I have now. I am taking the opportunity I am being given because it’s more then just getting to do something I love, it's being back in Quesnel with my friends my family and my animals, and being able to help out my mom with my little sister again when she needs a babysitter while shes working, and being able to help out family friends again with their firewood and watching there house and dogs when they have to go to kamloops for the doctors. It's about being there for my other grandma because she just got diagnosed with cancer, It's just about being there for those who need me as much as I can be, Instead of living five hours away and not being able to support them and help them through everything kills me, because people need me up there and I need them.

    I can't really say that anything is necessarily holding me back because I tend to not let things hold me back I will push through it and fight it, and I won’t give up even if it takes twice as long to do whatever it is that I am trying to do. I wasn’t the happiest most smart kid growing up, and it took way too many years for me to really start realizing there's so much more to life than caring about what others think and if you wanna be happy you have to work for it and to stop thinking that everything’s trying to take you down because it’s not it's preparing you for the next chapter in life, and you just gotta be positive stay brave and conquer the world and grab it by its ankles, and live the life you wanna live!